My dear mom passed away on December 13th at about 9:45pm. She was surrounded by her children and on the phone with those who were on their way down. She lost her fight against a vicious and brutal disease – cancer. From diagnosis to her passing was only a matter of a few short months and as strong as she was, I was convinced she’d beat it. Such an incredible person, who loved deeper than anyone else I know – she had such a pure and unconditional love.
I have so many great memories throughout our life together, but some that really stand out as who she really was as a person. She was never a person who put her wants ahead of anyone else. She did without far too often in order to give to someone else, whether for her children, family, friends or even a stranger. She worried a lot about anyone in her life, and even on her death bed, she was worried about everyone else.
One great example of this was when she was in the hospital doing pretty bad. She and I were talking as her oncologist walked in her hospital room. Her doctor asked how she was doing as she approached my mom. Before my mom answered, she reached for her hand and while holding her hand, she said to the doctor: “We’ll get to me in a minute; how did your father do in surgery today?” Once she said it, I remembered about 4-5 weeks prior that her doctor’s father was going in for heart surgery, I remember her talking to us about it, but I don’t remember a single detail about it… Based on her doctor’s expression, she was just as surprised as I was that she kept track of the day her father had surgery… The doctor answered he did fine and is in recovery. She then asked how did you remember – it’s been a few weeks since we talked about it?
This is simply one of many examples of what kind of person she was and how she always put others ahead of her. Here was a woman clearly dying, in pain and scared, yet when she seen her doctor, the first thing she wanted to talk about was her doctor’s father and how his surgery went. She had such an impact on everyone within that floor of the hospital. I’ve never been in a hospital where so many routinely gave her gifts, from a small Christmas tree, to a cowboy hat they wanted her to wear when she could ride out of the hospital after beating cancer, to cards and treats the hospital didn’t have available so it had to be brought in from outside vendors. I was routinely told they haven’t met anyone like her, if there was ever a time to be selfish and worry about yourself – it should be now, yet she continued to learn about each doctor, nurse, nurses aid, even the janitors and food delivery people. She knew their names, all of them; she knew various intimate details some would divulge to her and she would ask how things were going as she saw them throughout the few months she was there.
I got a call from an upset doctor the day after she passed. Saying he was so sorry he couldn’t save her, that he tried everything he knew to do, and that she absolutely deserved more time as precious as she was to her family, to staff, to other patients… We didn’t just lose your mom, we lost an amazing woman, an amazing person who impacted everyone she came across simply by how she showed genuine care and love. It’s unfortunately so rare to meet and see someone who loved everyone so openly the way she did. There’s an entire floor who’s saddened and missing her as we speak…
I know I can’t properly put into words how much I miss her and will miss her everyday of my remaining life. She meant the world to me, as I was a true, unapologetic, momma’s boy. Her love and care for others had always impressed me, and though I try to mimic it, I try to show my boys that same incredible love she showed me, I fall short. I will never possess that amount of love – the depth that it went despite always trying. She taught me over the years that it’s love that’s everlasting, everything else is just distractions.
Material junk will come and go, latest trends will come and go, popularity may come and go, but giving someone unconditional and genuine love – that will stay with that person, whoever it is, long after the person who loved them goes… She’s absolutely right. Take a moment to show someone you love – that you love them… Showing it sure beats the pants off of just telling them you love them. The action of showing love is something that person will never forget.
Until we meet again – I will always remember her and that incredible love she showed me, my boys, my entire family. My heart is broken to lose her and the selfish part of me wishes she was still here. However, I know she’s in a far better place now, made perfect with no more pain and suffering.
